To Alcohol! The cause of (and solution to) all of life’s problems

homerWhile drinking we’ve all done some pretty stupid things. Below I’ve made a list of 10 things I (may) have done while drinking that are a bit embarrassing and stupid.

I will admit to at least 7 of the below listed activities, maybe more, but def not less.  What have I actually done? What am I just making up? You decide. Mwuahahaha….

1. I jumped off chikadee bridge naked.

2. Realizing I was too drunk to be driving while cruising down I-84 in the middle of the night I decided to pull over…in the breakdown lane.

3. After a party I went to Twin Colony for a late night meal…and threw up all over their bathroom floor.

4. I mistook Grustas for Christine and fucked him.

5. I thought it would be a good idea to attempt a summer sault over Cooter’s railing to see if I could land on my feet. I didn’t.

6. While leaving The Brickyard in Hartford I walked up to the first hot girl I saw and said, “Mam, I’m gunna cum.”

7. Instead of walking down the hall to the bathroom I peed on the floor of my dorm room at Keene State College.

8. I took a nail, boiled it in hot water, froze my tongue with an ice cube, and attempted to pierce my tongue.

9. Threw up in Cooter’s sink full of dishes after drinking a bottle of Rum.

10. Sung a Kereyoke version of Living on a Prayer at a local bar, inserting the F-Bomb whenever I could.

“She said we gotta FUCKING hold on to what we got. It doesn’t make a FUCKING difference if we make it or not. We got each other and that’s a lot for love. We’ll FUCKING give it a shot.”

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One Response to “To Alcohol! The cause of (and solution to) all of life’s problems”

  1. Walter White Says:

    You didn’t do 1, 4, 8

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