I Hate You Screech Powers!!

kellySaved By The Bell was one of the cheesiest shows in the history of Television, but I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here when I say it was also one of the most beloved.

Don’t roll your eyes! You all watched it. All the boys had crushes on Kelly Kapowski and the girls argued over who was hotter Zack or Slater.  We all thought Lisa was  cute but maybe a bit asexual and Jessie’s feminism was too “in your face” but she had legs that went all the way up to Ya Ya.

As for Samuel Screeh Powers, well, lets just say he may have been  the most annoying TV character ever, right up there with Urkel. But, I must admit, I do remember laughing at some of his lame jokes. And I know you did too.

Saved By The Bell was never “appointment viewing” or “Must See TV” but over the course of my lifetime, like many of you, I think I’ve seen EVERY episode.

I know most of the words to “Friends Forever”.  I thought it was really strange when Jessie was addicted to caffeine pills and freaked out.  I recall waaaay too many dance numbers that made you squirm in your seat yet smile at the same time. Remember Lisa’s sprained Ankle Dance or Slater’s ballet number in the black unitard? Yeah, of course you do!

So, while I’m not embarrassed to call myself a fan of the show, I suppose I’m a little embarrassed to admit I just finished reading the book “Behind The Bell” by Dustin Diamond aka Screech Powers. (it was a fast read, took 2hours)

It was marketed as a “tell all” – A behind the scenes look at what really went on when the cameras weren’t rolling.

Among some of the more interesting allegations Screech makes in the book:

  • Everyone was sleeping together.  Kelly and Jessie both slept with Zack and Slater. Lisa slept with just Zack. But poor Screech, he slept with none of them.
  • Screech alleges he got laid all the time (just not by cast members) and lost his virginity on the set to a girl he met at Disney Land.
  • Screech alleges he had an affair with a network executive who was 10 years older than him and was basically one of the people in charge of the show. (However this “executive” swore him to secrecy and died of cancer in 2003….how convienient.)
  • In the dreadful Saved By The Bell Spinoff: The College Years, Tiffani Amber Thiessen was only given a roll on the show after she slept with show creator Peter Engel. The show was just supposed to be Zack, Screech and Slater until she “slept her way on.”
  • Mark Paul Gosselar (Zack), according to Screech, was a steroid abuser.
  • Mario Lopez (Slater) was accused of raping a girl in his trailer but the NBC Lawyers settled with her out of court for $50K.
  • All the cast members (except Screech) were pot heads who smoked up during rehearsals and drank themselves silly on the weekends.
  • Years after the show ended Lark Vorhies (Lisa) seemed distant toward men and flinched whenever she heard loud noises. While he never came out and said it, Screech appears to allege that she was possibly a battered woman.

So yeah, who knows what to believe and what not to. I for one am inclined to believe most of this. Afterall, when the show was filmed in the late 80s/early 90s the cast was all teenagers. Of course they partied and shared sexual partners. Didn’t we all?

What bugged me most is Dustin Diamond came off as a narc. The tattle-tale in school that nobody liked. But I am a little biased since I’ve always hated the character.

As some of you may know, late night talker Jimmy Fallon is trying to organize on on-air Saved By The Bell reunion. Pretty much everyone has signed on except for Screech who says he’s “too busy.”

I’m more inclined to think he said ‘NO’ because he was obviously disliked by his fellow cast members and, after this book came out, he knew that they’d want to whip his ass.

These days Screech calls himself a stand-up comedian, performing “44 weeks out of the year”.

And YES, I would pay to see him perform, if only to go to the show, throw pennies at him, maybe give him a wedgie and possibly, if I could find one, stuff him in a locker.

If you’d like to see what Zack Morris thinks of a Saved By The Bell Reunion, CLICK HERE.


3 Responses to “I Hate You Screech Powers!!”

  1. Erin Flanagan Says:

    HA! Remember Buddy Bands?! Albert Clifford sure had some sweet dance moves!..see that? I remembered what AC stood for, thats a good trivia question…also, do you remember the first episodes with Mikey and Miss Bliss? Miss Bliss was played by Hailey Mills, the chick who played the original twins in Parent Trap! Just a little tidbit of useless information from me to you! 🙂

  2. I love this Jimmy Fallon clip! I reposted it on my FB! Saved by the Bell is classic!

  3. His standup is awful. I’ve told better jokes during last call at the tavern

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