Archive for October, 2010

Everything I need to know about life I learned on Little House on The Prairie

Posted in Stuff on October 28, 2010 by bigdaddygouda

1. If you ask God for a miracle, more than likely you’ll get one. Whether it be creating a mysterious fire so your Pa can find you in the woods or zapping a sick child with lightning so he can be mysteriously healed.

2. If you can play the fiddle you’ll get chicks.

3. It’s okay to cry over spilled milk Really, over spilled milk.

4. No matter how poor you are or how small your house is,  having another baby is ALWAYS a blessing.

5. An older man teaching a young girl to spit farther than any other girl in hero township is not at all inappropriate.

6. Sleeping next to your wife in a small cabin with 4 walls and only one door will not warp your children who can obviously hear EVERYTHING.

7. Eating Beef  Stew, Fried Chicken and Apple Fritters every night will not make you fat.

8. Drinking coffee before bed will not keep you up.

9. People who give you a hard time this week and seemingly show up out of nowhere  to create drama and obstacles for you to overcome will most likely not be around next week and may actually never been seen or spoke of again.

10. Being kind to your neighbors and going to church every weekend will probably get you into  heaven but while your here on earth your sons may die of mysterious illness, your daughter may go blind, your grandson and neighbor may parish in a fire and you may eventually have to sell the farm and move to the city BUT, as long as you know the words to Onward Christian Soldiers everything will work out in the end.

Advertisements

….but i aint got wings…

Posted in Uncategorized on October 25, 2010 by bigdaddygouda

I didn’t think it was as good as the first one but maybe that’s cuz I saw it in the daytime. It’s the truth that in my lifetime I’ve had more fun at night than during the day. But doesn’t everyone? Nights are filled with dinners, movies, parties, and sex while days are mostly filled with…yuck, work. It so makes me laugh when people say “If I hit the lottery I’d keep working.” BULLSHIT you would! I actually like my job, I don’t mind getting up in the morning and while Sunday nights are kind of depressing I don’t dred Mondays. BUT, BUT, BUT. If I hit it big in the lottery I don’t think I’d even give to weeks. Hell, I may no call no show. I recently entered the latest Publisher’s Clearing House contest which, in my opinion, carries the greatest prize out there today. The winner not only get a Million bucks but also recieves $5,000 a month for life. And I love those PCH commercials where the Prize Patrol pulls up to the house, knocks on the winners door and the people are like, “Yes, may I help you….you’re kidding….Really? That giant check is for me?” Come on! Then again, with my luck prize patrol prolly will pull up to my house this year..to ask for directions. If I had to guess, and it’s just a guess, but I believe the better someone tells us their life is on Facebook than the worse it prolly is in reality. I mean, come one, how many wonderful, relaxing days spent with my darling can one person have. So you been broken and you been hurt, show me somebody who aint. Yeah, I know I ain’t nobodys bargain but hell a little touch up and a little paint. Speaking of Facebook I don’t think the real Facebook movie out there is Social Network, if you really want to know about the impact the popular site has on society then see the documentary Catfish. Don’t research it, dont read reviews on it, just watch it. I saw it this weekend online. It was so interesting it was worth the virus my computer picked up from watching it illegally instead of spending $8 to see it at the movies. Speaking of movies, has anyone been to the new and improved Torrington Cinerom? Hmm, since when does a fresh coat of paint and scraping the 30 year old gum off the floor qualify as a remodeling. So I just saw on TMZ that Miley Cyrus will be 18 next month. Shit! I thought she was like 22 or something. Damn, I feel so creepy for thinking she was hot all these years. Fucking Yankees. Looking forward, as i do annually to Halloween and everything that goes along with it. Jamie’s Party, horror movies on Tv, leftover  candy…Funny how falling feels like flying…for a little while

Things I Don’t Do As Much Anymore (if ever)

Posted in Stuff on October 21, 2010 by bigdaddygouda

1. Go out drinking

2. Play Setback ;(

3. Watch Sit-Coms

4. Have Sex

5. Run

6. Root for The 49ers

7. Rent Movies

8. Sleep in

9. Eat Steak

10. Buy Cds

11. Use E-mail for anything other than work.

12. Go To Concerts

13. Talk to Joe, Stahj or Chris

14. Take Baths

15. Steal Slim Jims

First Time For Everything

Posted in Stuff on October 14, 2010 by bigdaddygouda
  • First time I experienced death: I was in sixth grade and our family dog Crust was hit by a car and killed as my sister and I waited for the school bus.
  • First Crush: I wanna say Lindsey Raymond in third grade.
  • First kiss: Susan Scoville during spin the bottle in 7th grade
  • First Time I drove a car: My father sat shotgun, screamed at me the whole time and told me I would never get my license after parking in the driveway on a 45 degree angle. I was 16.
  • First Fuck: House Party, 18 years old.
  • First Concert: Aerosmith @ Lake Coumpounce
  • First Love: Jenny from Keene
  • First tape: Thriller
  • First CD: Def Leppard’s Adrenalize
  • First Movie at the theater: It was either ET or Return of the Jedi
  • First sleepover: Olin Falfan in fourth grade.
  • First car: Renault
  • First slow dance: Mina Gavell at Becky Shetler’s bday party.
  • First Date: Mina, again. We went to the movies to see Dead Poets Society…or maybe it was The Abyss.
  • First Best Friend: My neighbor Steven Matos. I was in first grade.
  • First time I ever drank: With Tai and Jessie. We drank beers while sitting on a haystack.
  • First drugs: Smoked Weed out of a bong at Larry’s first party. I was a senior in high school..
  • First “Hard” drug: Tried coke sophomore year at Keene State College.
  • First job: Worked with my father on the maintenace crew at Lakeridge in Burrville.
  • First job schedule: Thurs, Fri, Sat: 6 a.m. – 2:30 p.m. Sunday: 6 a.m – 11 a.m.
  • First wage: $6.75
  • First newspaper story ever written: Covered “Touch A Truck” in New Hartford.
  • First baseball game: Yankees beat The Tigers during Bernie Williams rookie year. I was in 7th grade.
  • First (and only) time I ever saw my father cry: Feb 16, 1996. The day grampy died.
  • First baby I ever held: Aidan
  • First time I ever got “blackout” drunk: Senior Year, Larry’s party. Vodka mixed with lemon juice and sugar.
  • First car accident: Ads and I were T-boned by a deer when I was 17.
  • First wrestling show: 3rd grade. The main event was The British Bulldogs vs Hoss and Jimmy Jack Funk for the tag team title.
  • First Porno Movie Watched: Sweedish Erotica, stolen from my dad.
  • First blog entry on Big Daddy Gouda: Oct 13, 2005

I can’t believe it’s been five years.

It’s Just A Little Crush

Posted in Stuff on October 6, 2010 by bigdaddygouda

This is going to be fun and maybe embarrassing….for me.

Below are 15 girls that I know or have known. At one point or another I’ve had crushes on 10 of them. Can ya guess which ones? Muhahahaha

1. Julia McKenna

2. Becca Clock

3. Christina Mennaguzzo

4. Tara Lambert

5. Heather Lambert

6. Carrie “Newton”

7. Marcy Warner

8. Aimee Pelletier

9. Veronica Berube

10. Andrea Boden

11. Jill Coffey

12. Krissy Walker

13. KC Gill

14. Sarah Stevenson

15. Heidi Olson

Here Comes The Sun

Posted in Uncategorized on October 5, 2010 by bigdaddygouda

I suppose you could say I’ve been hit with a string of bad luck up until recently.

It started two weeks ago on a Friday, the worst day of the week for bad luck. I was on my way home from work. It was about 6p.m. I was a bit pissy because I was stuck in major traffic and the Yankees/Sox game started in one hour.

As traffic started to move again (after about 30 minutes) my steering wheel started to pull to the right. Then I heard that all familiar sound coming from the front of the car: bump bump bump bump bump.

I pulled off the exit and into the first gas station I saw. My fears were confirmed as soon as I got out of the car. Flat tire. Front passenger side.

I opened my trunk. Spare tire: Check. Lug wrench: Check. Jack: Uh, nowhere in sight.

Thankfully, I have AAA. Within an hour, with the assistance of a big scary Mexican who spoke no english and smelled of beer, my spare tire was on and I was on my way home to the Yankees and the weekend.

That weekend, not only did the Yankees lose 2 outta 3 to the sox, I spent most of the weekend with a migraine. Luckily the headache killed my appetite because my cupboards were low on food and I was still a week away from payday.

Five days later, after nearly a week of driving to and from work in terrible rain, things got worse. As I left the office and walked into the parking lot, ready to drive home, wouldn’t ya know it: Another flat tire. This time, front drivers side. Called AAA, stood outside in the rain, spent $65 on a new tire. Awesome.

That night I called my mother, who had extended me an invitation for Sunday dinner in three days. I left her a message, complaining about my rotten luck as of late but assuring her I’d be there Sunday for a FREE home cooked meal. Afterall, if it’s free it’s for me!!

The next day (which was 4 days ago) when i arrived home from work I was greeted by the smell of cleaning products in my hall. As I walked up the stairs I wondered why things smelled so lemony.

When I walked into my apartment I could only compare it to Dorothy when she lands in OZ and exits her broken home into a brand new colorful world.

My house had been cleaned spotless from top to bottom. Floors swept and mopped. My cabinets and fridge were suddenly flush with food. And the kicker, the icing on the cake, the gift beyond gifts awaited me in my living room.

There I found a 50 inch flat screen TV, complete with surround sound and matching DVD player!!

My mother and step father had upgraded to a 60 inch TV. And, because they knew I loved it, they gave me their old TV.

My mom and sister showed up at my house Friday while I was at work and set up the TV. They also noticed that my house was a bit on the messy side and my cabinets were bare. So, they took it upon themselves to clean and load me up with food. I suppose such a beautiful TV wouldn’t look right in a dirty house with no food.

I stood in the apartment for a few minutes trying to wrap my head around the wonderful unexpected gift I’d received.

In just one week things had gone from super shitty to top of the world awesome.

I swear, nothing chases the blues away like a flat screen TV and a cabinet full of Cheeze-its and Cookie Crisp Cereal.