Oscar Picks 2011 (better late than never)

Would you believe I forgot, up until this very moment, that I had neglected to do my annual Oscar column? Ever since this blog’s inception 5 years ago I have attempted to pick the winners in the Top 6 Categories at the yearly Academy Awards.

As always, my goal is 4 outta 6 correct.

BEST PIC: The Social Network was praised as the film to beat when it was released in October. It was sweeping nearly all the pre-Oscar award shows . Then The King’s Speech was released and has been winning everything in site. BUT, the bottom line is, as good as King’s Speech is, Network is an overall better film and I don’t think the Academy will forget that when it comes to giving out the year’s top award. Therefore Social Network wins Best Pic;

BEST DIRECTOR: 90 Percent of the time, Director goes along with Picture so I’m picking David Fincher for The Social Network, however, even if King’s Speech does end up winning the Best Pic award I still expcect Fincher to win here.

BEST ACTOR: Colin Firth for The King’s Speech. It’s a sure thing

BEST ACTRESS: Natalie Portman is basically undefeated in pre-Oscar wins for Black Swan. She won The Golden Globe, The SAG, The British Oscar etc. I hope her water breaks while she’s giving her acceptance speech.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: It’s gotta go to Christian Bale from The Fighter. His portrayal of washed-up, crackhead boxer Dicky Eckland is the best supporting performance since Heath’s Joker. Nuff said.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: I’d be happy if either woman from The Fighter won, either Michele Leo or Amy Adams. Leo has been winning the pre awards so I expect that to continue tonight. Though watch out for the teenager from True Grit.

So, for those of you who care, there ya go: Social Network, David Fincher, Firth, Portman, Bale and Leo for the wins!!

10 Things I Miss…in no par-tick-u-lar order

1. My Jeep

2. Adolescent Summers with Bob on Barton Street

3. DVR

4. The Grass

5. LOST

6. My Grandfather (15 years ago today)

7. The Attitude Era in WWE

8. The Joe Torre Era Yankees

9. Friday Night Fun

10. Vicodin

Barf

I don’t have the healthiest diet in the world and I could use a bit more exercise. Oh yeah, I smoke too. However, in light of those traits I manage to basically live a sickness-free existence. Sure, occasionally I get stuffed up or battle a twice-yearly migraine but other than that, I’m okay

The price I pay for that however, is a steep one. When I do get sick, I GET SICK.

It’s been a week and I think I can finally speak of it. It started off last Tuesday night with a stomach ache. I was sitting in my favorite chair watching Conan and I just didn’t feel right. I had eaten a big dinner and attributed my queasy stomach to that. So I went to bed.

A half hour after falling asleep my eyes popped open. I was gonna puke. I raced to the bathroom, didn’t bother turning any lights on and as soon as I got the toilet seat up I launched a batch of foulness into the bowl that you couldn’t imagine. Or maybe I just don’t want you too.

Five minutes later I was on my hands and knees cleaning puke off the floor but I felt like a million bucks. Don’t you always after throwing up?

I trudged back to my room and flopped onto my bed like a giant fish onto a row boat. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. 20 minutes later my eyes popped open and the whole process began again. Only this time I had nothing left to throw up so I just heaved and heaved making some noises I didn’t know my 33-year-old diaphragm was capable of. Andy, who must have been confused as hell, paced anxiously outside the bathroom door, whimpering.

Thankfully I was done throwing up for the night but lets just say I made about 15 more trips to the bathroom before sunrise. Those of you who have suffered from a stomach bug know what I’m talking about. And we’ll just leave it at that.

The next day was spent in agonizing pain. My head ached from being dehydrated. My chest ached from heaving and my stomach just felt empty. I spent the day on the couch in and out of consciousness. Watching TV made my head hurt. Talking on the phone made  my head hurt. So basically, if I couldn’t fall asleep I just laid there with my thoughts and that my friend can be a scary thing.

I thought about everything that day. My childhood, my future, what the dog must be thinking, how long I would last in bed with Kristen Bell.

I think I fell into a pretty deep sleep around 6 p.m. When I woke around 9 I felt much better. I don’t know what it was about that three-hour block but it appeared that I had finally beaten this thing. I even had a bit of an appetite.

I made myself a piece of toast and ate half of it. For the first time all day I actually finished a glass of water instead of a couple of sips. I propped myself up in my chair where this whole thing began 24 hours earlier. I managed to watch about an hours worth of TV before I decided I’d had enough.

I got up and walked to the bedroom at a zombie’s pace and eventually fell into what would be 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

As soon as I woke up the next morning I knew it was all over. My head and body no longer ached and best of all I was starving.

Andy watched as I got dressed, his tail thumping against the floor. He had been a loyal friend over the last day. He never left my side and I’m sure the whole thing confused the hell out of him.

The virus I had can be traced back to my 7-month old niece, Bella. She spent Sunday night throwing up. By Monday night her father was sick. Tuesday I stopped by my mother’s to visit Bella who was watching her while my sister was at work. By Tuesday night mom was sick along with me. My father, who I had seen for maybe 10 minutes Tuesday night, caught the sickness on Thursday and spent the day in bed. It all started with a stomach ache and ended with us in the bathroom praying to the porcelain god.

They say kids carry more germs than any adult and boy do I believe it. Especially if a stomach virus that whacked an entire family started with a 7-month old kid.

When I saw Bella a week later it was no surprise to anyone when I pinched her arm and flicked her on the cheek. Actually, judging by the laughter, I’d say it was expected.

 

State Of The Winter Address

I’m not one to really talk about the weather on Facebook.  Why would I, there are so many who do it for me. And I’m fine with that. When there is not much else to say, you talk about the weather. It’s better than awkward silence right?

However, after a months worth of storms and nearly 80 inches of snow I feel I must chime in…

As far as I’m concerned the winter started off harmlessly enough, the day after Christmas. Remember that storm? Dec. 26. The state was coated with about a foot of snow. It was more white stuff than I had seen in a long time. It was holiday season, kids were home, I was on vacation. It was nice.

Then, a week later, right after New Years, we got hit again. Big time. Still kinda nice. Then, boom, hit again the following week. You all live around here, you know the pattern. Since that storm on Dec. 26 we have been dumped on every single week. Sometimes two or three times in a week.

I’m not surprised that the state couldn’t keep up. Schools are closed constantly, roofs are collapsing and I haven’t seen grass in a long time.

I know this shit if affecting everyone but here’s my story:

– I’m afraid to go into some buildings in fear they will collapse. I find myself glancing at the shape of the roofs. If they are square, I must think twice about going in. (do I really need to see Yogi Bear in 3d?)

– I’ve worked from home a lot because I’m terrified to drive in the snow. Last year when I had the Jeep I got into and accident on my way to work during a snow storm. I slid off the highway while getting off an exit ramp, crashed into a guard rail which knocked my front tire clean off. Had to be towed. From that point on I’ve really become a snow pussy when it comes to driving in bad weather.

– The snow has impacted my routine with the dog. Andy likes the snow to a point but after the first big storm when he bounded out the door onto the lawn and sank like a turd in water, he’s been a different dog. He realizes the snow is way over his head and is hesitant to walk in it. We don’t take as many walks around the neighborhood because the salt gets into his paws and then he limps the rest of the way home. He also has to find the perfect place to shit. He doesn’t like to get snow on his ass (who does) so he must find a space with minimal powder. If he can’t he’ll either hold it, (which really pisses me off) or (I shit you not) dig a hole in the snow and crap in it.

The weatherman keeps telling me that we are on course to break the snow record set in 1995-96. What did we get that year? 122 inches or something? I really don’t remember that. I’ve never thought back and said, ‘Wow, this winter is nothing compared to the winter of 96.’

Probably because back then the storms were spread out. A few big storms here and there stretched out over a five month period. Not a foot of snow each week like we’re seeing this season. Then again, back in 95/96 I was a freshmen in college. I didn’t work. I didn’t do much driving. I partied all the time so the last thing i was doing was paying attention to snow storms.

So that’s that. In closing, Fuck You Winter!