Slip Slidin’ Away

It was coffee that nearly killed me yesterday.

As I arrived on the outskirts of Waterbury yesterday on my way to work traffic started to back up. Snow was starting to fall hard and people were starting to notice.

I had about 40 minutes left on my drive to work and I hadn’t stopped for coffee as I usually do. However the prospects of a prolonged drive stuck in traffic with no coffee was too much to handle. I flicked on my blinker and prepared to pull off exit 36 in Waterbury.

I pulled off no problem and began coasting down the exit ramp. As soon as the ramp started to twist I lightly tapped the brakes….Nothing. I kept going and if I didn’t know better I’d say I actually picked up speed.

I slammed my foot on the breaks since tapping did no good. Same result. Nothing! The STOP sign at the end of the exit ramp was approaching. At the end of the ramp was Colonial Avenue. A fairly busy Waterubury street that was sure to be littered with morning traffic. If I don’t stop I was most definitely going to pull out into this traffic and then….who knows.

I decided to take my chances with the guard rail rather than the busy road. I turned my wheel to the left and immediately the back-end of the jeep started to fishtail to the right. I was no longer driving the Jeep. It was driving me.

I attempted to straighten the wheel but the Jeep just kept sliding sideways. The front left tire clipped the guardrail and I heard what sounded like a small explosion, then felt the car dip slightly on the left side.  Just as I approached the stop sign, thankfully, the jeep stopped.

It felt like an eternity but the whole ordeal, from the time I pulled off the exit to the time I crashed into the guardrail was about 20-30 seconds, tops.

As I sat on the side of the road, hands shaking, heart pounding, a truck pulled up alongside me.

“Walt!,” the man said, as he pulled up along side me.

I instantly recognized him as Adam Perrin, a close friend of Keely and Charlie.

“I didn’t think you were going to stop,” he said. “Are you alright.”

I nodded YES.

I got out of the Jeep and instantly noticed that my tire had come clear off the rim. That explains the explosion sound.

I got back in the jeep and drove across the intersection, safely, on three tires.  Adam waited with me for a few minutes before I convinced him I was physically fine, just a little shaken up.

I called AAA. They towed my car, and me, to Sears Tire Center. $160 later I had a new tire and it was as if the whole thing was just a bad dream.

But it wasn’t. For a few hours after the incident I felt a tad bit enlightened. Like I had stared death in the face and survived. Little problems seemed insignificant. When I thought of all prior disappointments I just laughed.

By 5 o’clock I was mentally back to normal. Worried about money, longing for a beautiful woman, pissed that I’d have to walk Andy in the rain.

But don’t get me wrong I was thankful. Thankful that LOST would be starting in three hours.

Yes, it’s a good film but this is EFFED UP!!

Be careful James Cameron, I’m thinking this girl is just one more Avatar viewing away from shooting you in the back outside the Dakota.

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btw, note the Jonas Bros poster in the background

Hello, I’m Andy The Puggle

Okay, I’ve been watching my Master, Walt, do this blogging thing for a while so I think I may have the hang of it. Please forgive me if I spell words wrong or write things that don’t make sense. I am, afterall, a dog. I’m writing this using my paws and my snout so bear with me.

Most of you reading this know who I am.  Walt has known me for all of my 28 years. Excuse me, four years to you humans. I know he talks about me, has written about me and shown photos of me.

I came to live with Walt halfway through the 11th month of the year 2009. I’m not sure why exactly. Walt came to visit me at my old home in Morris quite often and then one day, when he left, I left with him.

So far I can’t complain. I no longer have to spend nights in that little black cage. I really didn’t like that. Walt lets me sleep on the bed with him. In the morning when the sun comes up I sometimes walk up and lick his face. It seems wierd to me that he doesn’t get out of bed as soon as the sun shines into the house, like my old masters. It’s actually hours from the time the sun hits to the time he actually crawls out of his big bed. But I try not to disturb him. The longer he spends in that bed each morning, the better mood he’s in for the rest of the day.

Speaking of the day. That is my alone time. Unlike my old masters, Walt leaves the house every morning. It’s kind of lonely here all by myself so I usually just sleep and chew socks. But I can’t complain. He walks me and feeds me a good meal before he leaves and then does the same when he returns at night. I don’t know where he goes all day but as long as he comes back each night, what do I care.

At night is when it’s the most fun for me. Walt is always in a good mood. Sometimes he chases me around the house and tries to take my toys away. If he is watching the box with the moving pictures and I put my head in his lap he always scratches my ears.

The only time I don’t bother him is when he sits in front of this machine and watches the male humans breed with the lady humans. Instead I just lay on the other side of the room and focus on his feet. When his toes curl, I know it’s only about a minute or two before he’ll start paying attention to me again.

Sometimes a big man who kind of looks like an older version of Walt will come and visit. He’s nice to me and brings me treats. He pets me but only when Walt is not looking.

I still think of my old home sometimes. I think I’m starting to forget what my old masters look like. I can remember their smell better than their faces. That may seem odd to you people reading this but that’s just the way it is.

I wonder if sometimes when Walt leaves if he’s going to visit them. I wonder if they ask about me. Maybe they are reading this. If they are, I want you to know I miss you but I’m real happy here and I think this is where I’m supposed to be.

Well, it’s been nice chatting with all of you. According to the way the sun is shinning into the living room I think it’s about time for the mailman to arrive. And if I don’t bark at him then what kind of dog would I be.

Sayid “Claimed”/Claire Lives!!

Why does Sayid need to die? Because, just like Claire he was “claimed” Duh! 

Claimed by who? The Locke-Less Monster? 

In short last week’s episode was a solid, if unremarkable, Which is to say that it swept the floor with nearly everything else in the television landscape, but the show has set the bar so high that it’s impossible to hit it out of the park every time.

 What the show’s getting right: the small scenes between characters that have spent years developing the relationships, shortcuts, mistrusts, and adventures that lead them to the places they are now. When the show goes small, the results are huge. The Claire/Kate/Ethan scene was TREMENDOUS, as was the Kate/Sawyer scene on the dock. Those two scenes alone, coupled with a nice Jack/Sayid scene, lifted the episode on its back and carried the lesser parts. 

What the show’s currently not getting right: at this point, half-talk and evasive answers don’t really cut it. Talk of “infection” lasted twice as long as it should have, delivered by characters we just met and don’t particularly have any feelings for either way at this point. 

I’m still not buying The Temple-centric characters wholeheartedly, if only because they are just another group of lying liars that lie. As soon as they actually tell Jack and Co. why it’s so important that they live and what’s bearing down at them, I’ll start investing in them.

Missing from last week’s show:

No Man in Black, Ben, Richard, Lapidus, Sun, Desmond, etc.  

LOST,  Please don’t pull a “Heroes” and ignore characters for weeks on end. We don’t have much time left. And like Jacob says, it only ends once.

……………….

tonight’s episode is apparently centered around Locke and, as the past six years have proved, that’s always a good thing.

 

 

 

This, That, & (of course) The Other Thing

I haven’t really been writing as much as I’d like to be. And with Chopper out there attempting to dethrone me as most immature blogger in cyberspace, I should at least make an attempt to keep a dog in the fight.

I had one of the more enjoyable weekends I’ve had in a while and I did it without having one single sip of booze or listening to some cheesy cover band at a dirty bar.

I took the day off from work Friday so I could do some domestic things at the house, which I still haven’t finished yet. Around noon I got bored and tired so rather than take a nap, I grabbed a Red Bull (sans Vodker) and went to the movies.

I saw Valentines Day!!!

Just kidding. I saw Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges. It was excellent and I’m sure Jeff Bridges (who already won the Golden Globe and Sag Awards for acting) will walk away with the Oscar. Think of Crazy Heart as a cross between Walk The Line, The Big Lebowski and The Wrestler.

Friday night I tried to watch the Opening Ceremony of  the Winter Olympics but god damn those shows are boring. ZZZZZZZZZZZ

As most of you know from my juvenile Facebook status updates, Ashlie and I went out together for Valentines Day. It wasn’t a date – really it wasn’t. We split the cost of a sushi dinner, she left the tip, I paid for the movie tickets and she bought the popcorn and soda.

We saw the Wolfman starring Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins and Agent Smith from the The Matrix.

I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. The acting was a bit cheesy but it is a movie about werewolves in England so I expected that. The special effects were above average and I love that they didn’t make the wolfman CGI. It was actually Benicio Del Toro in make-up.

And, for you geeks out there, the make-up was done by Rick Baker who worked on the werewolf in the horror/comedy An American Werewolf in London and was also responsible for the werewolf in Michael Jackson’s legendary Thriller video.

Sunday morning after leaving Ashlie’s I went to visit Aidan and Grayson and bestow upon them a box of munchkin donuts, a bag of pretzels and some skittles. It was Valentines Day afterall.

What un unexpected surprise when I arrived at Aidan’s and he had downloaded Super Mario Bros 2 & 3 on the Wii. I don’t know what it is but those games actually seem harder now. When I was in Middle School I think I had a much easier time beating them. Now, at 32, I found myself dying simply by falling in a hole I was attempting to jump over.  I’ve always loved that when Mario falls down a hole, before he disappears off the screen he stops in midair, scrunches up into a little ball, cue the music to let you know you fucked up, then he proceeds to fall. So dramatic.

After imposing on Keely’s family and staying for a roast pork dinner I went home to walk the dog and then collapse in front of the tube as the weekend came to a close.

I found myself watching some show on CBS called Undercover Boss about CEOs of major companies that go undercover and mingle with their workforce to see what is really going on. I’ll prolly never watch again. Last night’s episode featured the big boss at Hooters. He spent a week at various Hooters establishments across America to see what his workers had to deal with in one of the country’s most popular strip clubs, I mean restaurants.

And what did he come away with after spending a week on the ground floor? His big epiphany at the end of the show is that Hooters doesn’t necessarily portray woman in the brightest light and the business needs to become more family oriented.

Folks, if you own stock in Hooters, sell it now.

LOCKE Up The Man In Black Smoke Monster Mash

What did the exploding bomb from last year’s finale do exactly?

 It appeared to split time in half with one time line showing the passengers of 815 lading safely in LAX, while the other half were transported forward, from 1977 to present day on the island, pissed off that Jack and Faraday’s experiment didn’t work.

 But, as Juliette knows, and us viewers know, it did work right? The plane did land safely in LA, but not before flying over the island, albeit submerged under water. Creepy huh?

It’s painfully obvious that the survivors of 815 who landed safely all know somewhere in their minds that things are off. Jack kind of recognized Desmond didn’t he? And Jack also had that blood stain on his neck. Are we to assume there are traces of the LOSTIES island adventures buried deep within their minds? I sure as hell think there are.

 I’m also fairly certain that at some point this season, somehow, the two alternate timelines will converge. As in the survivors of flight 815 that landed safely in LAX will catch up to the 2007 survivors who are on the island, trapped, and seemingly preparing for battle against Jon Locke, I mean the man in black, I mean the smoke monster.

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 If you have five minutes click the link below. It’s a pretty extensive recap of last weeks two-hour season premiere that makes some interesting points and may clear up some confusion one is sure to have after all that was last week’s premiere.

 http://blog.zap2it.com/ithappenedlastnight/2010/02/lost-faces-a-new-reality-in-the-final-season-premiere.html

LOST Final Season Premiere

I can’t believe tonight at 9 p.m. will be the final LOST season premiere ever. Has it really been 6 years?

Where did we leave off in May?

We apparently met The Puppetmasters: Jacob and  The Man In Black.

A man in white creates thread on a spinning wheel, then tends to it on a loom. He’s in a dark, ancient room, light by flames and marked with Egyptian symbols. He goes to the shore, catches a fish, and cooks it upon a stone. As he eats the fish, a man in black comes from behind. They both gaze at the Black Rock, a few miles off shore.

The man in black accuses the other of bringing them to the Island, saying the man in white is trying to prove him wrong. “You ARE wrong,” says the man in white. The man in black notes that the cycle is always the same: they come, they fight, they destroy, they corrupt. The man in white notes that anything up until his ideal outcome is merely “progress.” After a pause, the man in black says, “Have any idea how badly I wanna kill you?” He speaks of trying to find a loophole to accomplish his goal, and leaves by speaking the man in white’s name: Jacob. We never learn the man in black’s name. Instead, we see the camera rise up on a full intact statue, standing right behind them both.

So the MIB apparently found his loophole by inhabiting Locke’s dead body and manipulating Ben into killing Jacob.

And what were Jacob’s last words, “They’re coming”.  Who is coming? The original survivors of 815? What has become of them?

Did setting off the bomb actually reset time and prevent the crash or did setting off the bomb actually cause everything to happen? Will any of that be answered tonight?

I’ve heard that a lot will be resolved in the first hour of tonight’s episode. I’m also told that the show will feature a new story telling technique this year, not a flashforward or a flashback but something else.

And apparently everyone is coming back. Charlie, Claire, Michael, Libby, and Boone, just to name a few.

The end of things loved is always bittersweet but I’d be a lying scumbag if I told you I haven’t been lusting for tonight’s LOST for the past 9 months.

I’m man enough to admit it’s basically all I’ve been thinking about today. That and a Big Mac.

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8pm- Review Show

9-11p.m- 2 hour season premiere!!!