HAPPY MEAL

As Aidan and I walked into McDonald’s Saturday for lunch it was kind of hard not to notice the banner hanging inside the restaurant.

“McDONALDS: Celebrating 30 years of The Happy Meal.”

Not that the advertising had anything to do with it, but as Aidan did every time we go to Mickey Ds,  he ordered the 6-piece chicken nugget happy meal.

As I ate my  lunch, I watched as Aidan put together the mini-nerf basketball toy that came inside the meal. He didn’t need to look at the instructions. Within 30 seconds he had constructed the contraption.

He placed the mini bball hoop in the center of the table and casually tossed the plastic basketball in the direction on the hoop: It bounced off the cardboard NERF backboard: SWISH.

After the little plastic ball went through the little plastic hoop the thing fell apart.

Aidan calmly picked up the pieces and tossed them into the bag, along with the rest of trash we had amassed through out our lunch.

“McDonald’s,” Aidan said casually. “Celebrating 30 years of garbage toys.”

An ad-wizard in the making indeed.

Clearly The Force Was NOT With Me

(editors note)While this story may make sense to anyone and everyone who reads it, I believe it can only truly be appreciated by Star Wars Fans….all six billion of them.

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Tonight, as Aidan and I waited for Keely to finish cooking us dinner we decided to play a game: WHO AM I? THE STAR WARS VERSION.

The rules were simple. Each of us would write the name of a popular Star Wars character on a piece of paper, fold it up, and give it to the other person. Then we were allowed to ask 10 questions about the identity of the mystery character folded up on the piece of paper. They didn’t have to be YES or No questions. They could be anything. After 10 questions, you’d have to guess who was written on your piece of paper.

As soon as we went over the rules we got to writing.  I thought for a moment and then wrote down Jabba The Hut on my paper. As I folded it up and passed it to Aidan his paper was already folded and resting before me.

Aidan went first:

AIDAN: Is my character a Jedi or a Sith?

ME: Neither.

AIDAN: Is my character a man, robot or creature?

These are great questions I thought.

ME: Creature

AIDAN: Is he good or bad?

ME: Bad

AIDAN: I’d like to guess early.

ME: Really? You have still have five more questions.

AIDAN: Yeah, but I know it.

Sure enough, Aidan spouted out the correct answer:  Jabba The Hut.

Now it was my turn. I decided to steal Aidan’s line of questions. Surely I would guess his in at least five. I mean, it only took him two seconds to come up with it, so I’d assumed he’d written Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker or Han Solo.

ME: Is he a Jedi or a Sith?

AIDAN: Neither

ME: Is he a person, robot or creature?

AIDAN: Creature.

Instantly I thought that Aidan possibly could have also written down Jabba The Hut but had that been the case he probably would have given it away when he realized that my character had been Jabba. So I ruled that out.

ME: Is he bad or good?

AIDAN: Bad.

Just to make sure it wasn’t Jabba

ME: Is my creature the same as your creature.

AIDAN: (giving me a stern look) Uh, No.

ME: What movie did this creature make his first appearance?

AIDAN: I’m pretty sure it was Return of The Jedi.

I still think Jabba The Hut is written on my paper. But I don’t say anything. Then, I think Aidan could have picked an EWOK, while technically good guys, they started off kind of bad.

ME: Does this creature look like a little bear.

AIDAN: (once again the stern look) Uh, no not at all.

Bang! Then it hit me. I knew it. It was The Rancor! The creature that lived below Jabba’s Palace. I was certain my next question would lock it up.

ME: Was the creature crushed to death by a giant gate

AIDAN: Nope! That’s 8 questions Uncle Walt. You only have two more.

Truth be told I was getting a bit frustrated. I was thinking he was not answering the questions to the best of his knowledge. But I decided to work with what I had. A creature. A bad guy. Appeared in Jedi. It wasn’t Jabba, The Rancor or an Ewok.

Bang! I had it finally. It was one of Jabba’s Green Pig Guards. But Just to be sure.

ME: Did the creature wear a guard’s uniform?

AIDAN (laughing) Nope! Only one more question!

Okay. Now I was sure Aidan wasn’t playing fair. He wanted to win the game so bad he was lying about the questions to throw me off the trail. I had thought of all the “bad”  creatures from Jedi. The Rancor, The Ewoks, The Pig Soldiers. What was left?

Could it possibly be that thing inside Jabba’s palace with the tentacle on it’s head. The half man, half  squid man? Does that guy even have a name? Or maybe it was the little buzzard guy from Jabba’s palace that pecked out C-3PO’s eyes. Yep, it had to be one of those two and I’m sure Aidan just wrote some weird description of them on his paper. So, to distinguish between Squid Man and Buzzard I had one last question.

ME: Did this creature peck C-3PO’s eyes out?

AIDAN: Nope. That’s 10 Uncle Walt! You have to guess.

ME: I’m thinking the guy from Jabba’s Palace with the tentacle on his head.

AIDAN:(looking at me like I was crazy) Who?

ME: Jabba’s assistant. (I would later find out, from one of Aidan’s books this guy I was referring to is named Bib Fortuna)

AIDAN: No, it’s not him……whoever you mean. You lose Uncle Walt. Open your paper.

So, as I unfolded my paper I fully expected it to say Jabba The Hutt or some random Star Wars creature, like “little brown thing walking across the dessert half way through the movie.”

But…I was wrong.  And couldn’t have felt more stupid when I read what 8 year old Aidan had written on his paper.

SARLAC

I laughed out loud. Of course.  Sarlaac! One of the best creatures in the history of Star Wars.

I was both impressed that Aidan had chosen the Sarlaac as his character and not the obvious like Solo or Vader and at the same time was frustrated that I was too naive to guess it. Naive or stupid.

As I’ve always known about the young Padawan: The Force is most definitely strong in that one.

Uncle Walt fails miserably at being Uncle Walt

Two kids left in my care. Two separate injuries in the span of two weeks.

“Higher Uncle Walt,” Aidan shouted as I pushed him on the swing in the backyard, while his younger brother Grayson sat in his Big Wheels Jeep behind us, driving to Auntie Meg Meg’s house.

“You’re as high as I can get you,” I shouted back. And he was. Nearly level with the top bar of the swing set.

Then, I felt a hand on my thigh. I quickly looked down. There was Grayson.

“I wanna see Uncle Walt,” he said in his cute two-year old voice.

It was happening too fast! Before I could even think about reacting, Aidan came on the back swing. He crashed into Grayson, who crashed into me. The force knocked us both over.

Ouch! That hurt! And, if it hurt me, what happened to little Grayson.

There he lay in front of me. His face red, his mouth wide open but with no sound coming out. At least not at the moment. Before I could pick myself up he was crying like only a two year old could.

Misplaced anger immediately shot through me.

“God dammit Aidan!,” I yelled. “You got to watch what you’re doing.”

Even in my anger, I knew perfectly well that I was wrong. How was Aidan supposed to know his brother was creeping up behind him. His back was to us.

I scooped up Grayson. He seemed okay. Other than the crying, that is. I carried him into his mother. I attempted to explain what happened as I handed her the screaming child. He stopped crying almost immediately as soon as he felt Mom’s comforting embrace.

The little guy began squirming to get out of Keely’s arms the second he heard me say the magic word, “outside”. As in, “I have to go back outside and find Aidan. I was a bit hard on him.”

I walked around the backyard but Aidan was nowhere to be found. The evil swing was still swaying lightly.

I eventually found him next door at his grandparents house, sitting on the couch. Spongebob was on the TV. He wouldn’t look at me.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I said. “I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I should have been paying better attention.”

Aidan is a typical 8 year old boy. Truth be told, he gets yelled at a lot. All boys do. But not by me. I’ve never been much of a yeller. Especially not at Aidan. Honestly, I didn’t remember ever yelling at him before and that was probably what upset him the most.

“Lets play something,” I said to Aidan.

He didn’t respond. He continued watching Spongebob. Then: Commercial.

“What do you want to play?” he asked. The joy once again back in his voice.

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A week later Uncle Walt struck again.

Aidan and I were trying out his new pitching machine. On the surface it’s kind of a piece of junk: A motorized plastic machine that shoots plastic whiffle balls. But, once that motor revs up, it cranks out the balls and is, in actuality, really cool.

Aidan and I took turns swinging. One would hit, while the other retrieved the balls in the outfield. As usual, Grayson was outside with us. But the machine kind of made him uncomfortable. He stood off in the distance and watched, taking pleasure watching whomever was in the outfield try and retrieve the balls after they’d been hit.

After about 20 minutes Aidan decided we should use the machine to work on our catching skills. One of us would load the balls into the machine, while the other, standing about 10 feet back, would catch them after they shot out. Sure. Why not? What could go wrong?

Of course, Aidan was going first.

I loaded the balls into the machine.

“Ready?”

“Ready!” Aidan, said confidentially.

The fist ball fired out, chest level. Aidan caught it. The second ball shot out at Aidan’s knees. He caught it. The third ball, however, shot out almost immediately after the second one just as Aidan stood up after fielding the low pitch at this knees.

SMACK!! The ball hit him in the cheek. Just below his left eye. It made the snapping sound of a leather belt.

Aidan grinded his teeth together and grimaced. Trying oh so hard not to cry. He didn’t like to cry in front of Uncle Walt. But, that ball came out fast, and it sounded like it really hurt. Just as his face turned red at the point of impact Aidan lost it and began to cry.

I ran to him and hugged him. Not knowing what else to do.

“Just rub it,” I said. “The pain will go away.”

As Aidan continued to cry, Grayson, who had been watching the whole thing, waddled over.

He wedged himself in between us and put his hand on his big brother’s arm.

“Na Na, ” he said, using his two year old word for AIDAN. “Go see Mom. Go see mom Na Na.”

If Grayson had learned anything about pain in his two years on earth, it’s that Mom heals all wounds.

A laugh escaped from me. Aidan’s cries softened. A half smile came over his face. Then a little laugh from him.

“All better,” I asked.

Aidan nodded.

The crisis, at least for this week, was over.

“Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at”

Aidan was waiting for me in the driveway as I arrived at his house Sunday night for hot dogs on the grill.

As I stepped out of my jeep, I glanced into the yard and noticed Charlie pushing a wheelbarrow and Keely walking across the yard with a shovel, as baby Grayson played with a garden hose. Spring planting I’d assumed.

“What’s everybody doing here,” I asked, as Aidan gave me a hug.

“Eh, we’re cleaning up after The Challenger disaster,” Aidan said casually. “It exploded you know.”

An uncontrollable burst of laughter shot out of me. I glanced into the yard again and saw Charlie throw a pile of dirt and sticks into the woods. I laughed again.

“Aidan,” I said, attempting to sound stern. “How do you know about The Challenger?”

“I just read about,” he said, simply. “It’s in my book.”

He then went on to describe, as only a 7-year-old can, about the space shuttle Columbia disaster, the sinking of The Titanic, and The Great Chicago Fire.

It was only later that I found out Aidan had recently obtained the 2006 World Almanac, and had just that morning read a chapter on Disasters.

I remember watching the Challenger explode live on TV, when I was in third grade, where we gathered as a class to watch the launch. I also remember a few days later all the Challenger jokes started popping up.

“What does this button do?”

But, as tragic and surreal as watching a space shuttle explode was, and as tasteless as the jokes were that followed, whenever someone brings up the Challenger, I’m still brought back to my first day as a fourth grader at Litchfield Center School. I was the new kid and some raggy looking kid named Jermiah Manning asked me if I wanted to know a secret.

“My father died in the Challenger last year,” he said.

And, like I did today with Aidan, I laughed in his face.

Age of Innocence

As Aidan and I sat in Dunkin Donuts, I noticed him notice me causally glance out the window at some girls walking by. The girl who caught my eye obviously caught his as well.

She was the kind of girl you’d see at Huskies on nickel night. She was wearing a skin tight green tank top.  She must of been a D-cup, at least Heavy Cs. She was wearing jean cut off shorts that looked about 3 sizes too small.  And of course, she was wearing strappy black heels. She walked through the Dunkin Donuts parking lot as if her shit didn’t stink.  And, if I had to put money on it, I’d wager it didn’t.

I looked at Aidan.  His gaze turned from the girl, to me, and back to the girl.

“I can’t believe people dress like that,” I remarked, trying to sound responsible.

Aidan dug his hand into the Dunkin Donuts bag and pulled out a glazed munchkin. Before he took a bite he casually said,

“Girls dress like that so boys will notice them.”

I laughed, as I was very impressed that a 6 year old would reply with such obvious and CORRECT knowledge.

“Who told you that?” I asked

“Nobody, I just know.”

I laughed again and began sipping my ice coffee.  Aidan, however, had more to teach me about girls.

“And guys dress cool to get girls to notice them too,” he said licking the frosting off his fingers.

“What is dressing cool?” I asked him, dying to hear his response.

“You know, like wearing your hat backwards, or having an earing.”

“So do you think If I started dressing cool, I could get a girlfriend,” I grinned.

Aidan reached into the bag for the last munchkin before replying,

“Na, you’re too fat,” he said as he stuffed the last donut is his mouth.

Yes, the little man is definitely at an awkward age.  Old enough to be curious about the opposite sex, but still too young for me to slap him.

Aidan’s Gotta Girlfriend

So it’s 3 o’clock.  I walk into Aidan’s school to pick him up. 

We were on our way to see Open Season at the mall. ( i wanted to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre but Keely put the kaybash on that one )

Aidan and I were at his locker.  He was grabbing his belongings.  When who should walk out into the hallway but the cutest little girl in the world.  She had curly blonde hair, and glasses. 

She strolled over and said in the sweetest little voice “Goodbye Aidan” 

Being a typical guy Aidan said “Bye” without ever looking up from his locker. 

Then a little conversation started that went a little something like this:

LITTLE GIRL: “So what movie are you going to see”

AIDAN: ( once again without looking up ) “We’re going to see Open Season”

LITTLE GIRL: “I wish I could go to the movies”

AIDAN: “Today it’s just me and Uncle Walt”

LITTLE GIRL: “Who’s Uncle Walt?”

AIDAN: “Right there” ( Aidan simply motioned to me with his head as he stuffed papers into his backpack )

The little girl looked up at me and smiled.  Then she once again focused her attention on Aidan.

LITTLE GIRL: “Uncle Walt’s BIG”

Aidan didn’t respond.  He was ready to go. 

I decided to make a comment. “That’s right, Uncle Walt is big.”  I wasn’t sure if I was embarrassed, amused, or ready to pinch the little snot.

The teacher then told us to have a nice time.  She and the little girl walked back into the classroom.

As Aidan and I walked down the hallway and out into the world Aidan casually said to me “Uncle Walt, when she said you were big, she didn’t mean FAT.”

“Thanks Buddy”  I really needed to hear that.

He said wha?

 Once a month Me and My little friend Aidan go to the movies.  It’s a great arrangement.  He gets a free movie, popcorn, and candy of his choice, and I don’t have to see the “kids flix” alone.

On our last trip to the movies we decided to hit up the facilities before the show started.  As we entered the bathroom Aidan stopped dead in his traxx.

“WHY IS THERE A BLACK GUY IN HERE?”

I was instantly mortified.  I glanced at the urinal and sure as sure can be, there was a black fellow, probably early thirties, thugged out, doing his business.

I didn’t say anything.  I was speechless.  I was in Waterbury. 

I took little solace in the fact that I’d be the one to get punched and Aidan would escape relatively unharmed.

Before I could “sush” Aidan, the black dude finished his business and casually turned around.  He looked at us, chuckled like Fat Albert, and said:

“BECAUSE BLACK GUYS GOTTA PEE TOO LITTLE MAN”

I was relieved this fellow took Aidan’s comment with a grain of salt.  Lucky for us, this particular gentlemen was probably too stoned to fight.

Terabiiithiaaaaaa!

 This past Wednesday Aidan and I attended a screening of the new Disney flick Bridge To Terabithia.  Aidan enjoyed the film thoroughly except for the very end when the female lead drown and I had to explain to him that she was in Heaven. 

Aidan has seen many movies where spiders die of old age, animals are killed by other animals, and bugs get stepped on.  However he’s never experienced the death of another human on the big screen, so this was a bit of a shock to his little system.

But, thanks to his Uncle Walt, as Aidan grows up and thinks of the film Bridge To Terabithia, he wont be reminded of the cute little blond who fell in a river and died.  He’ll most likely remember what his fresh Uncle Walt did to him in the middle of the film.

We were the only one’s sitting in the theater.  It was 4:30 in the afternoon in the middle of the week so I didn’t expect it to be crowded.  Besides, Aidan thinks it’s cool when we have the whole movie house to ourselves.

Midway through the film I leaned toward Aidan and said, “Hey buddy, I gotta go to the bathroom.  Do you want to come with me or do you want to wait here and watch?”  Without even looking in my direction Aidan responded with “I’ll wait here”.  Just as I’d expected.

“Okay, you be good, and I’ll be right back”  And I got up to leave.  Now before all you Moms out there get your panties up in a bunch and report me to DCF, let me just say, I had NO intention of leaving Aidan alone in an empty movie theater.  I had other plans.  More sinister plans.

I casually got up and walked to the back of the theater.  I waited a moment to see if Aidan was going to get up, run around, and cause trouble.  He did not.  He sat still, completely mesmerized by the world of Terabithia.

I quietly walked down a row of seats so I was on the opposite side of the theater from where Aidan was sitting.  I slowly crept down the isle.  Just as I approached Aidan’s row I got down on to my hands and knees and made my way into the row of seats directly in front of him.

I slowly crawled down the empty row.  As I did I thought to myself that some people who knew about this might think I’m a little loony, and hey, when it comes to this sort of stuff, maybe I am.

As I got close to where Aidan was sitting I peered through the spaces between the seats to make sure he didn’t see me.  Nope, his eyes were still locked on that screen.  I inched my way forward until I was positioned directly in front of the seat where Aidan was watching from.  At this point it was hard to hold in my own laughter.  And then I did it:

I sprung up as fast as I could.  I threw my arms up in the air, flailed them wildly, and yelled “BRIDGE TO TERABITHIAAAAAA!”

Aidan instantly took his eyes away from the screen and looked at me directly.  ( he really didn’t have a choice since I was completely blocking his view ) I watched as his hands dug into the arms of the seat.  His little eyes opened as wide as saucers.  He frowned so deep it looked as though his face was going to get stuck that way.

After about 3 seconds of what I’m sure can only be called “Shear Terror”  Aidan smiled.  I began laughing hysterically.  In his 5yrs of knowing me I don’t think he’s ever seen me laugh so hard.  I made my way back into my seat, laughing as I went.

“That wasn’t very funny Uncle Walt”  Aidan said smiling.

“I know.  I’m sorry buddy, but I couldn’t resist.”

I’m sure such an unexpected fright could of ruined his day or at least caused a 5yr old to start crying and asking for his mother.  However, because I was laughing so hard myself, I think it took Aidan’s mind off how scared he really had been.

Periodically through the rest of the film Aidan would grab my arm and say “BOO!”  Trying to get me back I suppose.  I tried my hardest to act scared everytime. 

Ever few minutes until the end of the movie I’d think about what I’d done and start laughing all over again.  When Aidan would get wind of it he’d look over at me.  I’d bite my lip.  I didn’t want him to know what a kick I’d gotten out of scaring the poor guy.

As I went to bed that night I thought how scared I would of been if someone had done that to me.  And I’m 29 years old.  I’m not gonna lie, there is the chance I could of had a heart attack or at least crapped my pants.

Hmm, maybe Aidan did lose controls of his bowels and was too embarrassed to tell me.  I’ll have to ask Keely about that one.

Travelin’ down the ‘Revolutionary Road’

In 15 months working at the paper I’ve covered everything from car crashes and house fires to elections and craft fairs. But tonight, I had my favorite assignment ever. I attended a press screening of Revolutionary Road:

Check it out here!

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For those of you who don’t realize how ironic this, please keep reading and take a gander at a post some of you may recall from June 2007

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I didn’t think there was any way Aidan’s Kindergarten graduation could be upstaged.  But that was before I knew Jack Dawson himself, Leonardo DiCaprio would be in town.

I was pulling in to Aidan’s school when I noticed road blocks, police cruisers, and a bunch of teenage girls gathered up and down the streets.

I quickly called Keely ( who was at home with her newborn son )to inquire about all the madness.  It couldn’t be for a kindergarten graduation could it?

In all the confusion that comes with a newborn son, Keely had forgot to inform me that Aidan’s graduation ceremony was moved from his school to the church next door.  The reason being, a movie was being filmed in the area and the studio was using Aidan’s school ( a former housing quarters for priests and nuns ) to house the actors and film crew for the day.

As she was telling where exactly in the church the ceremony would be held I glanced to my left and saw a very familiar looking fellow standing in front of Aidan’s school.  He was dressed in an outfit that seemed retro 1950.  This familiar dude was surrounded by some similarly dressed individuals as well as movie folk who appeared to be assistants, make-up people, etc.  It was at that point I asked Keely a simple question.

“Keels, is Leonardo DiCaprio in this movie?”

“Uh, yeah, he’s the star”

And that made it official.  As I turned back toward this guy there was no doubt in my mind.  Leonardo DiCaprio was in Thomaston and he was hanging out at Aidan’s school, right out front where I pick the little guy up on Wednesdays.

Without really thinking twice I rolled down my window and shouted, “Hey Leo!”  Being obviously immune to the hoots and hollers of stardom, he didn’t even glance in my direction.  I faintly heard Keely say “retard” on the other end of the phone.

I found a parking space and darted into the church where the ceremony was being held.  Like an idiot I’d left my camera on my kitchen table.  I was gonna borrow someone’s and try to snap a pic.  ( for this site )

By the time I came back out a small crowd of female teachers from the school had gathered.  They seemed a little pissy.  Apparently Leo had just been stuffed into a van and was being whisked away a half mile down the road to a railroad station where the action was being filmed.

During the graduation I listened to songs about Dolphins, and Christmas, then I stuffed my face with rice krispy squares and pizza.

As soon as the festivities ended Aidan’s step-father Charlie asked if I wanted to walk the half mile to the train station to see if we could maybe get a pick of Leo or even Kate Winslet who was also starring in the film.  Uh….You fucking bet I did!

Apparently a lot of folks had the same idea.  It truly felt like a pilgrimage from the church to the train station.  The group was a mixed bag of soccer moms, teenage girls, and curious dudes like us.

We stood on the bridge over looking the movie set for about 15 minutes, but we saw no one.  Well, no one important anyway.  Just some camera guys and crew members.  They were keeping the actors inside a very large tent and there was no word on when they’d start shooting again.  Whispers in the crowd started and rumors began that there’d be no more shooting for at least a half hour.  I had already seen Leo, Kate Winslet was nowhere in site, and Aidan and I had a movie about surfing penguins to catch.  So, we packed it in and began walking back to the church.

As we made our way back I noticed a man from Channel 8 News talking with people on the street.  I wasn’t sure if we should walk in front of the camera or not, but I figured it was a good shot to get some cheap TV time.

Just before we were about to dart in front of the camera and I was preparing the face I was gonna make, the reporter turned toward Aidan and I and asked “Hey, do you guys wanna answer some questions about Leonardo being in Thomaston?”  That definitely takes the cake for strangest question I’ve been asked this year, but without hesitation I answered “Yes, We Do!”

The reporter told me to just concentrate on him and pretend the camera wasn’t there.  He didn’t ask me any questions prior to the interview except my name and how to spell it.

If you didn’t see the interview you can do that by CLICKING HERE.  There is a story and then a little link that shows my interview.

The dude interviewed me for about 2 minutes but it was edited down to about 15 seconds.  Charlie stepped aside, he had no desire to be on TV.

My favorite part of the interview is when the camera pans down to Aidan ( my son ).  Does he not look completely focused or what?

So all in all quite the surreal day.

Some people spend their whole life trying to get on TV, whether it be by breaking the law, taking a political stand or starring in a bunch of crappy plays.  Well, as it turns out, sometimes it just comes down to being in the right place at the right time.

I bet I’ll start to get recognized after my stint on the news.  I mean, with my bright red shirt and 70s pornstar glasses, I’m sure I made quite the impression.

I think I may head back down to Thomaston tomorrow to see if Leo wants to come to the Tavern with me on Friday night.

Spelling Test

 

I had just finished reading Aidan a chapter in his new book, Eragon. It was a school night and it was getting late.

Aidan asked his mother if I could stay a little while longer. Keely granted us 15 minutes as long as we did something constructive. She suggested I help Aidan with his spelling words, as she went next door to visit her parents.

Aidan showed me the routine. He gave me the list of 15 words. I sat across from him at the table. First I would say each word and he would spell it out. He spelled every word correctly but one. He left the O out of ‘people’. An honest mistake for a second grader.

After he was finished spelling all the words, I was then to go down the list, read each word, and he would use it in a sentence.

INSIDE – “Since it was raining I had to play INSIDE.”

SLIDE – “When the road is slippery the cars SLIDE.”

PRIDE – “Uncle Walt takes PRIDE in his newspaper work.” (Although this isn’t always the truth, my eyes welled up when I heard Aidan say it.)

I was very impressed with Aidan’s work. However thing’s got interesting when we arrived at the next spelling word.

BROWN – “My friend Christian has a BROWN wiener,” Aidan said, casually.

I froze. Before I could say anything, Aidan must have taken notice of the shocked expression on my face.

“Well he does,” Aidan said.

“Yeah, I know dude,” I said, well aware that Aidan’s best school buddy was African American. “But you shouldn’t say things like that.”

By this point my voice was cracking and I had to bite my bottom lip as it began to shake. I told Aidan to keep looking over his spelling words while I made a quick phone call.

I got up from the table, opened the glass sliding door and excused myself to the back porch. I darted to the corner where I couldn’t be seen.

For the next two minutes I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. No noise was coming out of my mouth. Yeah, it was that kind of laughter. I twice attempted to go back inside but every time I saw Aidan sitting at the table, looking over his list, I’d have to go back to the corner and laugh some more.

I knew that Aidan had used the spelling word correctly and in his 7-year-old mind he was simply pointing out a fact: that his brown skinned friend had a brown wiener. I suppose it was the innocence that was so amusing to me. I knew that if I laughed in front of him, it would only encourage him and turn something that he wasn’t thinking twice about into the topic of conversation on the school bus the next morning.

After five minutes I composed myself and went back inside to continue the lesson. I was able to get through it without another breakout. I knew there would be plenty of time for laughing later.

I laughed the whole way home.